I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize