I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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