dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
