Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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