Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Those nachos came to me in a dream
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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