i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Randomize
