I murdered the dance floor call the cops
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
