I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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