he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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