And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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