she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
