I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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