Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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