Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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