apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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