I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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