Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
