I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
