I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
