Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
