He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
