Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
