I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
