my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
