PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
