I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
