i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
