Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
