I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
