If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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