I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
