sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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