Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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