when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
