Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
In America we eat man semen.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
