What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
