im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
