that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize