I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
