when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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