I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
