I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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