Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
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I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
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I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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