Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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