Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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