Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
