I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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