i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
