i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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