I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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