What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She told me I should be a condom model.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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