so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
