I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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