when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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