I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
