Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
