So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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