drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
