I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
