Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
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