Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
