We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize