That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
