1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
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In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
How naked do you want me to be?
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