I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
