Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
