i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
