Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You pole danced in your parka.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
