Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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