i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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