he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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