On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
