Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
