Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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