Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
