I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
