Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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