Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
