the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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