So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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