it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
