There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
