Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
