I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
