Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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