I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
